Better
by Midori12
Summary: I just wanted to be as beautiful as you are, Elesa. - Slight AirplaneShipping, Skyla x Elesa; mentions of RaimonShipping, Elesa x Hilbert and one-sided JetShipping, Skyla x Hilbert; Gameverse; mentions of Bulimia; Implied Suicide


**Better**

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I admired you a lot, Elesa. You were a really close friend of mine and I liked you a lot. I looked up to you.

Because you were so beautiful.

It was cool to have such a pretty woman like you to call my friend. I was actually a little jealous of you; you had two occupations as a Gym Leader and a model. All I was really know for was being a pilot. You said it was really cool and all, but…I think people preferred the model to the pilot.

You had so many adoring fans, male and female. Many girls dressed up like you and trained Electric-type Pokémon out of inspiration.

No one was doing that for me.

Then I noticed how skinny you were. Whenever we went out to lunch together, you normally ate as much as I did, sometimes even more. And I could never understand where any of the food went because it couldn't have been to your stomach. You told me you had a really high metabolism.

I didn't really believe that.

After awhile, I began to cut down on the foods I ate. I wanted to be noticed, and I thought that maybe I should lose a little weight. From what I knew, boys only paid attention to me because of my huge breasts. But that's not what I wanted. I wanted to be adored by everyone, just like you.

Soon enough, I had been losing weight. I was so happy. But, it didn't seem to be enough. You were still a lot skinnier than I was, which seemed impossible for me to reach but I was gonna do my best.

I began to abandon my piloting duties and traveling frequently to Nimbasa to pursue a modeling career just like you. They told me I was super pretty and wondered how someone like me could have slipped under their radar, with me being a Gym Leader and all.

You were proud of me, but noticed that I had begun losing a lot of weight. I told you it wasn't anything to worry about and that I was just eating healthier.

A few weeks later, I started to receive fan mail. Fan mail! I was so excited, and with every letter I opened I squealed a little louder. Now I know how happy you are when you get these wonderful letters from fans.

I also started to get some angry letters from the Pokémon League Association since I had been shirking my duties as Gym Leader. Saddened that I lived out in tiny Mistralton City, I took a small break from modeling to return to my post as Gym Leader.

When I returned, I faced off against a cute boy named Hilbert. We hit it off pretty well and after seeing him ring the bell in Celestial Tower, I wished him luck and hoped to see him again soon, to which he replied with a wink. I really wished he had returned to visit me.

But then…I found out that he asked you out…and you guys began dating. I was heartbroken. It wasn't your fault, and I wasn't mad at you.

I was mad at myself. He chose you because you were prettier than me, right?

I had to return to modeling. I left my post again and flew back to Nimbasa, ready to begin modeling again. My diet had changed drastically; I went down to only eating one meal a day and no matter how much I tried to lose, I still didn't feel beautiful enough.

It wasn't until a harsh critic sent me mail saying I was too fat to be a model. I was distraught and disappointed in myself. Every other piece of fan mail didn't compare to this horrible criticism. I hadn't lost enough weight.

I began to do something that I didn't think I would ever resort to: vomiting. I assumed that this was how you stayed as skinny as you did. It helped me lose weight faster than I had imagined, and while I felt sick about it, I was glad that I was much skinnier now.

When you next saw me, you were extremely disturbed. I couldn't understand why, I just thought I was doing the same thing that you had been doing for years.

But then you told me that you had never vomited to stay skinny and told me that I was suffering from an eating disorder. You demanded that I stop modeling and get help immediately.

But I couldn't stop. I worked too hard for this. You were dating the cute boy that I wanted, and it was all because you were prettier than me.

The vomiting wasn't enough. You were _still _skinnier than me. There was another option that I hadn't tried yet.

Dieting pills. If I took these, I wouldn't even have to eat anymore. Just a pill and a small shake and I'd be good for the whole day.

I began to get really lightheaded after some time. I passed out one time onstage. It was rather disastrous, to say the least, but I thought it was just a one time thing.

Then it happened again. Sponsors began dropping me and there were rumors about my use of pills. The amount of fan mail lessened, and the Pokémon League Association fired me as a Gym Leader.

You tried to be there for me, but I pushed you away. I could never be better than you and I couldn't stand to see you anymore. It wasn't your fault. I was glad that you were my one and only friend who stuck by my side, but even you couldn't save me.

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I now lay on the floor of my apartment, empty pill bottles littered around me. You're in Undella Town on vacation with Hilbert. No one else is looking for me, and I won't be found until it's too late.

I begin to regret having taken the pills. They say many people change their minds about suicide right after they begin to take their life, but sometimes it's too late to stop it. My mind is in such a blur that I can't really tell what I'm thinking about anymore, but I can't move my body because it's so numb and my cell phone is across the room. I don't have a choice now.

I wish I could at least tell you that I loved you a lot. That's why I did this in the first place. I looked up to you and I wanted to be like you. But I guess I wasn't cut out for it.

I could never be better than you.

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**Eating disorders are horrible. I don't have much room to say this since I don't listen well to the advice of others, but if you think you or someone you know may suffer from one, please get yourself/them some help.**

**Please.**

**~Midori**


End file.
